A HAIKU THAT INCLUDES THE WORD "DELICATE"

The counter guy at

The delicate the corned beef

A little too thin

MET MY QUOTA

I point out that you

Have dropped your cigarette pack.

Good deed for the day!

THE BUGGY-WHIP BUSINESS

Walking stick makers,

O, and stockists of gupties:

Such tenacity

FALL TURNS INTO WINTER

The warm waiting room

On the chilly train platform

Someone has puked there

YOU RAISE ME UP SO I CAN BUY BANANAS

Inspirational

Music in the produce aisle

Makes me feel stabby

TO MY SINUSES

Sinus cavity,

Let me be. I need you like

A hole in the head.

CITI-RANT (FOR DELIA)

How dare you, blue bikes!

How dare you pull my focus!

New York is ruined.

HYPHEN NATION

 Hyphens, we need you,

Although to-morrow may not.

Never say good-bye!

 

THE OFFICE COFFEE MAKER IS BROKEN

How surprising that

So far we've all resisted

Chewing the dry grounds

MY LIFE AS SOCIAL MEDIA

I'll just make fun stuff

No more drudgery for me

[Your ad could be here]

MORNING MELODY

In the quiet house

Only one small sound is heard

The cat vomiting

LESSONS FROM THE SHUTSTORM

Republicans fear

Americans won't find them

Quite crazy enough


 

PARTISAN GRIDLOCK DEFINED (DAY 3)

Obamacare is

Law. We're afraid you'll like it. 

Republican snit.

GUMMINT SHUTDOWN, DAY 2

National parks? We

Don't need no stinkin' parks. Um,

Can I still golf there?

TO THE MAT FOR THE STATUS QUO

Insurers won't get

To deny coverage? That's

Un-American!!

THE MOTHER'S DILEMMA

Which do I hate more--

Cleaning up after you, or

Living in squalor?

CITI BAIKU

I don't have a bike

Yet I have hundreds of bikes

Ride, Grasshopper, ride

NIGHTMARES

Be careful what you

Wish for, or you could end up

Owning your own home.

DIAGNOSTIC DILEMMA

Rabies symptoms: bad

Mood, insomnia, headaches....

Ugh. How will I know?

CELEBRITY SIGHTING

Hey, is that Elvis?

Perhaps he's not really dead!

But he isn't well.

SAGACITY

When things go badly

The wise man wonders, "What would

Jesse Pinkman do?"

WHAT AILS MY COMPUTER, PART 2

My laptop (artist's rendering)

What ails my laptop?

Bitterness? Ennui? No, no.

It is now a borg.

WHAT AILS MY COMPUTER

[not mine, duh]

Feeling unfulfilled,

The laptop takes a bold step,

Moonlights as a bot

TWEETY

Carlos Danger, your

Crap social media skills

Give us the willies

CROWDSOURCED BABY-NAMING

Arthur Charles Trevor

Pac-Man Facebook Hacky Sack

Middleton of Ulm

DR. SEUSS NAMES THE ROYAL BABY

[too funny not to share, from The Onion]

 "Zanzibar Buck-Buck

McFate"? Not classy enough?

Perhaps "Harris Tweed"?

WHEW

This is New York, so
 
Assume there's always something

Wrong with the weather.

TOUGH GUYS

Loitering by the

Parking lot and wearing black:

Teen tarantulas

INTREPID

Like the pioneers

Of old, crossing the West in

A rented Prius

FINAL SCENE

Someday the Man in

The Members Only jacket

Will come for us all

A FEW SHOWERS AND SPRINKLES

Nothing says "spring rain"

More clearly than new blossoms

Rotting on the stalk

NON-DAIRY

The cat licks the dish.

Sorbet, not ice cream. Ack! Ack!

Personal affront.

TOMORROW'S NIGEL TUFNEL

Baby on the train

Volume goes to eleven

Plenty of sustain

TO-DO LIST

A haiku a day

A manageable challenge

Or not, depending

INFLATION

Pennies from heaven?

Who can be bothered? Maybe

If they were quarters.

MR. DEMILLE'S IPHONE

Norma Desmond, you

Never would have guessed how small

The pictures would get.

NOT REMOTELY COMPARABLE TO A SUMMER'S DAY

Rough winds do shake the

Darling buds of May until

Their back teeth rattle.

RAINBOWS

How sadly changed is

This thing once bright and festive!

The cat pukes ribbons.

ON PRIORITY BOARDING

We who don't travel

First class should feel like slightly

Less worthy humans.

ON A SPEEDING TRAIN

Under his breath, he

Mutters the words "screwing up"

And "amphetamines"

HARDBALL

The conclusion is

Inescapable. Greg Ball:

The man is a dick. 

NO VAMPIRES ON THIS TRAIN

Massive garlic breath

From a nearby passenger

At seven a.m.

MEMO TO THE TREES OF THE HUDSON VALLEY

The calendar says

It's spring! Please make a note to

Leaf up already.

BACK ON TERROR FIRMA

For a frisson of

Excitement on the commute,

Worry about death.

BACK FROM VACATION

This thing in the back

Of the refrigerator

May once have been food

THE PAIN OF AMBIGUITY

Does "different" have

Two syllables or three? Man.

Haiku can be tough.

THE WEARING OF THE GREEN

Will a real rain come

Someday, to wash all of this

Green beer off the streets?

BEEN THERE

Guess what, young people!

You too will be old someday

If you are not dead.

WHY THE STATUS QUO IS JUST FINE

He hears objections,

But they all come from women.

La la la la la.

MOTHER KNOWS BEST

Sympathetic words

From Livia Soprano:

"Oh, boo hoo. POOR YOU."