INFLATION

Pennies from heaven?

Who can be bothered? Maybe

If they were quarters.

MR. DEMILLE'S IPHONE

Norma Desmond, you

Never would have guessed how small

The pictures would get.

NOT REMOTELY COMPARABLE TO A SUMMER'S DAY

Rough winds do shake the

Darling buds of May until

Their back teeth rattle.

RAINBOWS

How sadly changed is

This thing once bright and festive!

The cat pukes ribbons.

ON PRIORITY BOARDING

We who don't travel

First class should feel like slightly

Less worthy humans.

ON A SPEEDING TRAIN

Under his breath, he

Mutters the words "screwing up"

And "amphetamines"

HARDBALL

The conclusion is

Inescapable. Greg Ball:

The man is a dick.